Holy Hormones! Has anyone else felt like they dont know what is going on and their doctor just expects them to know and understand every detail, timing, and definition? Its safe to say that at this moment, I am extremely overwhelmed. I have looked up the basic order of different fertility drugs and methods and with all this IUI, IVF, CD, PCOS lingo- I am lost. I mean I get the jist of everything but I dont feel like I know everything I need to know. Maybe thats a feeling that comes with the territory. So in the midst of all these side effects and hormones, I found this tid bit of information that let me breathe:
For women under age 35, the question is more about which PCOS treatment will work- and not so much about whether any treatment will work.
I get so anxious knowing that we are on the right path and wandering if this is the step that will work. I have to remember that all this is a process that takes time. I keep telling myself that no matter what happens at my next doctors appointment, I will keep a positive outlook and know that God has His hand in all of this. He knows the desires of our hearts, He knows the exact moment my body will cooperate, He knows my baby by name already! I get so caught up in trying to educate myself and seeing statistics and worrying that sometimes I overlook that God knows exactly whats best.
Its crazy how things change. And I mean that for the good. Before this I had to remind myself to pray it seemed like. And now I am praying all the time...at work, in the car, in the shower, while I walk to my car. And its crazy how my prayers have changed. It used to seem like my prayers were "God please let me have a good day, please help me stick to my diet, please help my business grow." While those are all very real and valid prayers, there isnt much depth to them. Now I pray for my husband, our finances, our house, our parents, peoples lives to be saved, not only for my business to grow but for the community see God all over the salon, to use me to reach and teach others, to give me opportunities to tell of Gods love, I pray for my babies to be strong and healthy and little warriors that can teach Gods truth, I even pray over the medications I take- that these will help my body to produce perfect follicles. And at the end of prayers, I try to remember to thank Him for every blessing He has already given me and to thank Him for the cross and for giving His life for mine. He gave His life for my sweet babies, and so I could be a mommy someday. I always figured I would have kids, but I never imagined how this stage of the game would feel. I never knew that little life i Love could change my heart so much.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Post 7
It seems as if in the blink of an eye a year has passed. People say the first year of marriage is the hardest, and I do hope that is true. So much has happened in our first year of marriage. Some of it we had no control over, and some of it we jumped into ourselves. While a lot of it is just part of the journey we call life, it is still difficult to get used to living together and combining everything as well as doing life. But we did it. And I know that if we were able to get through some of the stuff we got through and still are smiling and happy and in love, the years to come will be a cake walk.
Because I have never known such a love
I, Ashley, take you, Rick,
to be my beloved husband.
I choose to make my whole life with you,
Because you are the man I adore.
The one above all others
Who has been given as a gift to me
To be now and always my love.
I promise always to love you,
To treasure you,
To encourage you,
To be at your side
In sickness and in health
And forsaking all others
To keep myself only unto you.
I promise you this from my heart
With my soul
For all the days of my life.
One year ago today, I cried my way through these vows. Aside from the flowers, the cake, the pretty dress, and dancing like idiots- I made a promise that I meant every word of. I believe with my whole heart that God planted us in each others' lives at the most perfect time. I dedicate the next year of our marriage to the Lord and to His plans for us. I want to learn and grow with my husband and make our relationship and marriage and home one that everyone knows God is the center of. I want it to be obvious that we love each other, we love the Lord, we more importantly trust the Lord, and at the end of the day, we are best friends.
Happy First Anniversary.
Because I have never known such a love
I, Ashley, take you, Rick,
to be my beloved husband.
I choose to make my whole life with you,
Because you are the man I adore.
The one above all others
Who has been given as a gift to me
To be now and always my love.
I promise always to love you,
To treasure you,
To encourage you,
To be at your side
In sickness and in health
And forsaking all others
To keep myself only unto you.
I promise you this from my heart
With my soul
For all the days of my life.
One year ago today, I cried my way through these vows. Aside from the flowers, the cake, the pretty dress, and dancing like idiots- I made a promise that I meant every word of. I believe with my whole heart that God planted us in each others' lives at the most perfect time. I dedicate the next year of our marriage to the Lord and to His plans for us. I want to learn and grow with my husband and make our relationship and marriage and home one that everyone knows God is the center of. I want it to be obvious that we love each other, we love the Lord, we more importantly trust the Lord, and at the end of the day, we are best friends.
Happy First Anniversary.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Post 6
About five months ago, we started looking into different vacation destinations for our First Anniversary Vacation/Honeymoon #2. We looked into a few different options and we thought maybe it just wasn't good timing and maybe we shouldn't spend the money. We looked into all inclusives out of the country and then thought maybe stay in the states. I looked and looked at condos- for weeks. I couldn't find any that I loved, so I thought maybe it was a sign we shouldn't head out. One night when I was leaving work, pretty frazzled from having baby stuff on the brain and just life in general, it hit me. Something in my heart said go to Panama City Beach, head to Florida, baby stuff is going to work out there. I never mentioned it to Rick that I felt that, afraid that it was just me wanting to feel that and not really God working on my heart.
Day #1 at our condo and I went out on the balcony by myself with a cup of coffee. I was sitting out there in silence looking at the beach-- the sand and the waves and the sun and it took my breath away. I was so in awe that the Lord created all of this. He told the ocean it could only come so far. He knows how many grains of sand there are. And He knows me, knows the desires of my heart. And He knows the best timing. Looking at the beach and admiring God's work, I just let go of the baby issue control. I cannot make my body do what it needs to do in order to get pregnant. I cannot make my doctor move quicker with fertility options in order to help my body do what it needs to do. So I let go. I let go and let God.
An hour later, my doctor's office called me. My doctor decided its time to move to the next step. When we get home, we are moving forward. If this next step will get me pregnant or not, I have no idea, but its a step in the right direction. (I am going to keep details of our fertility journey to a minimum from here out. Just for our privacy. We are going to be going through a lot and I don't want people to be disappointed or questioning us.)
I feel like as soon as I let go, God took control. I was so afraid months ago that when I felt God put it on my heart to come to Panama City Beach with Rick, that it was me making myself feel that and it wasn't really God. I thought maybe I would get pregnant while in PCB. Although I know its not possible for me to get pregnant right now, I do feel like God shed some light, He opened this new door for us. I may not be pregnant for years, but this is getting us closer to it. This could be our last vacation as The Stigers, party of two.
Its God's will for us to bring a baby into this world. He knows the desires of my heart and He desires to bless me and make me happy. And I know, without a doubt, that He will make me a mommy. A mommy to a sweet, precious little miracle. And thats a life i Love already.
Day #1 at our condo and I went out on the balcony by myself with a cup of coffee. I was sitting out there in silence looking at the beach-- the sand and the waves and the sun and it took my breath away. I was so in awe that the Lord created all of this. He told the ocean it could only come so far. He knows how many grains of sand there are. And He knows me, knows the desires of my heart. And He knows the best timing. Looking at the beach and admiring God's work, I just let go of the baby issue control. I cannot make my body do what it needs to do in order to get pregnant. I cannot make my doctor move quicker with fertility options in order to help my body do what it needs to do. So I let go. I let go and let God.
An hour later, my doctor's office called me. My doctor decided its time to move to the next step. When we get home, we are moving forward. If this next step will get me pregnant or not, I have no idea, but its a step in the right direction. (I am going to keep details of our fertility journey to a minimum from here out. Just for our privacy. We are going to be going through a lot and I don't want people to be disappointed or questioning us.)
I feel like as soon as I let go, God took control. I was so afraid months ago that when I felt God put it on my heart to come to Panama City Beach with Rick, that it was me making myself feel that and it wasn't really God. I thought maybe I would get pregnant while in PCB. Although I know its not possible for me to get pregnant right now, I do feel like God shed some light, He opened this new door for us. I may not be pregnant for years, but this is getting us closer to it. This could be our last vacation as The Stigers, party of two.
Its God's will for us to bring a baby into this world. He knows the desires of my heart and He desires to bless me and make me happy. And I know, without a doubt, that He will make me a mommy. A mommy to a sweet, precious little miracle. And thats a life i Love already.
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