Post 6

About five months ago, we started looking into different vacation destinations for our First Anniversary Vacation/Honeymoon #2. We looked into a few different options and we thought maybe it just wasn't good timing and maybe we shouldn't spend the money. We looked into all inclusives out of the country and then thought maybe stay in the states. I looked and looked at condos- for weeks. I couldn't find any that I loved, so I thought maybe it was a sign we shouldn't head out. One night when I was leaving work, pretty frazzled from having baby stuff on the brain and just life in general, it hit me. Something in my heart said go to Panama City Beach, head to Florida, baby stuff is going to work out there. I never mentioned it to Rick that I felt that, afraid that it was just me wanting to feel that and not really God working on my heart.

Day #1 at our condo and I went out on the balcony by myself with a cup of coffee. I was sitting out there in silence looking at the beach-- the sand and the waves and the sun and it took my breath away. I was so in awe that the Lord created all of this. He told the ocean it could only come so far. He knows how many grains of sand there are. And He knows me, knows the desires of my heart. And He knows the best timing. Looking at the beach and admiring God's work, I just let go of the baby issue control. I cannot make my body do what it needs to do in order to get pregnant. I cannot make my doctor move quicker with fertility options in order to help my body do what it needs to do. So I let go. I let go and let God.

An hour later, my doctor's office called me. My doctor decided its time to move to the next step. When we get home, we are moving forward. If this next step will get me pregnant or not, I have no idea, but its a step in the right direction. (I am going to keep details of our fertility journey to a minimum from here out. Just for our privacy. We are going to be going through a lot and I don't want people to be disappointed or questioning us.)

I feel like as soon as I let go, God took control. I was so afraid months ago that when I felt God put it on my heart to come to Panama City Beach with Rick, that it was me making myself feel that and it wasn't really God. I thought maybe I would get pregnant while in PCB. Although I know its not possible for me to get pregnant right now, I do feel like God shed some light, He opened this new door for us. I may not be pregnant for years, but this is getting us closer to it. This could be our last vacation as The Stigers, party of two.

Its God's will for us to bring a baby into this world. He knows the desires of my heart and He desires to bless me and make me happy. And I know, without a doubt, that He will make me a mommy. A mommy to a sweet, precious little miracle. And thats a life i Love already.